getting back on

....... the merry go round called 'life'.......

Its been a rotten couple of months.  I found myself becoming overwhelmed by life and everything that was happening, something I've not experienced before.  Usually I cope pretty well with whats thrown my way, but for some reason I just couldn't get my head around things.  I decided to take a break from nearly everything.  I deactivated facebook - one thing that was causing me stress (especially concerning the older kids) - do I really need to know everything they're up to??  I decided not.  I felt like I'd reclaimed part of my life back.  I wanted and needed to have real people in my life, with real relationships.

I've taken a long hard look at those that I had allowed into my life.  For so many years I have given so much to so many people, always being there, putting people up when they had nowhere else to go, opening my house up at the drop of a hat, feeding people, spending hours on the phone when they wanted 'kid advice', and I have enjoyed all of this.  It makes you feel good when you help others.  I came crashing down when planning my eldest's twenty first birthday party.  Not one member of my family would be coming, some with pitiful excuses, others with none.  I have two brothers and a sister, seven nieces and nephews, and all thru the years have been the only one to never miss anyones birthday (even though they wouldn't have a clue from year to year when ours were).  She is even to be a bridesmaid for her one of her cousins next year.  I felt gutted. The only person that actually rang her on her birthday was my mother, and we don't even see her.  If you think I'm having a big sooky la la whinge, I am!! 

This really knocked me, has changed who I am and how I treat people.  I will no longer be there for just anyone.

So, we got thru the twenty first, with DS16 and DH birthdays the week before plus Fathers Day.

My DD19 has been having such a hard time.  We have been back and forth to a neurologist being treated for chronic migraines, slowly getting them under control.  She also has a blocked kidney.  After a procedure last week that she is still recovering from, she was booked for major surgery for tomorrow, only to find out yesterday that it's been postponed.  She is devastated, sick of being in pain and we're all just over it!  I feel for her, I feel helpless and frustrated.

 I miss this happy smiling face!!

DS16 went to Sydney for the National Cadets Firefighting Games in the beginning of October.  There were two teams from his fire station and they came second and third.  They had a fantastic time and their hard work and training really paid off.  He has completed his firefighting modules and is now a qualified volunteer firefighter.  I am very proud of his commitment.  He is off to Germany in four weeks for a five week exchange program and then to stay with a friend for an extra week.  How exciting for him.

We also had to have our beloved staffy put down very unexpectedly.  No more puppies for us for a while, its the second staffy we've lost in under three years.  

 

You can see how full life has been for us all.  It's been too busy and I want it to stop.  All this has left me physically and emotionally drained.

I have managed to accomplish quite a bit around the block in the last few weeks and starting to feel like my old self, but I'll write about all that separately.

I didn't turn my computer on, read blogs or check emails.

The other day I sat here and caught up on blogs and realised how much I enjoyed this funny little world of blogging and how I'd missed people.  Doesn't that sound funny, feeling like you know people like they're your friends.  It was catching up with bloggers that lifted me and booted me into gear.

That's it, rant and rave over! I feel like I'm back ;)

I hope you're all doing well and having a fantastic day! x