After finally deciding to rejoin blog land, I've now sat in front of this silly screen for hours, well not really hours, minutes, figuring out what I should write.
How do you explain an absence of over two and a half years. You can't really I suppose. I guess I just lost my mojo one day and then all these things happened that changed our lives and I just couldn't get on with things. The reality is we had a shit couple of years and its taken a lot of soul searching, a few stark reality checks, quite a few bottles of wine at times (that wasn't quite so bad), highs and lows to finally find my place.
I have some amazing friends, you know the ones that are willing to be brutally honest and oh how we need that. They're still amazing and still there. But, for a long time I just had to be. I had to look inside myself and care for me. I ended up spending so much time trying to be the perfect wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend, that person that puts their hand up when no one else would, that I lost sight of so much. Now I'm the perfect person to myself and that makes me more right to everyone around me.
I learnt to let go. Letting go of people that hurt you when you love them is hard. I learnt how to consciously put them out of my mind. It is probably one of the best things I've done for myself. I never realised that it could be so freeing - is that a word? It is now!! I am more accepting of how things are and there is a reason for it. You might never know the reason, does it matter?
I feel better now :)
So, my beautiful family has grown so much. So many changes. DD1, I wrote a few times of my despair, she appeared to lose her way for a bit! She's found her way back, has a lovely partner and they have purchased their first home. She's so content and it shows. I'm so excited for her. DD2 has flown the coup as well, that made me sad. Living it up with a couple of girlfriends in a townhouse and loving it. She also has a lovely boyfriend who's a New Zealander. DS3 is all grown, working as an apprentice and has got his first serious girlfriend. He is absolutely smitten, so of course we rarely see him either. He is such a generous, good person, I worry he is too good to people. He has certainly dropped everything to rush off to his big sisters a few times. That leaves my gorgeous DS4 who just melts my heart. That little boy bring so much joy into our lives. He desperately misses his older siblings but with twelve years between him and the next one it was always going to be hard. He changed schools which was an enormous decision for us to make, fortunately the best thing we ever did. DH and I have weathered a few storms in the last twelve months, more like cyclones if the truth be told but we have come out the other side.
We still live on our beautiful property, I still make and bake although even that went by the wayside for a bit. I didn't even have the motivation to cook for a while. I barely cared about the state of my house - I'm jokingly known for my OCD so I knew things were bad. That's never happened.
On a positive note, I did take pics of a lot of stuff thinking "I'll blog about that one day", so be warned, I may overcompensate for my absence!
I feel so much better for having written. I'm glad I'm back :)
AND ... my roses are coming alive as well.
How do you explain an absence of over two and a half years. You can't really I suppose. I guess I just lost my mojo one day and then all these things happened that changed our lives and I just couldn't get on with things. The reality is we had a shit couple of years and its taken a lot of soul searching, a few stark reality checks, quite a few bottles of wine at times (that wasn't quite so bad), highs and lows to finally find my place.
I have some amazing friends, you know the ones that are willing to be brutally honest and oh how we need that. They're still amazing and still there. But, for a long time I just had to be. I had to look inside myself and care for me. I ended up spending so much time trying to be the perfect wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend, that person that puts their hand up when no one else would, that I lost sight of so much. Now I'm the perfect person to myself and that makes me more right to everyone around me.
I learnt to let go. Letting go of people that hurt you when you love them is hard. I learnt how to consciously put them out of my mind. It is probably one of the best things I've done for myself. I never realised that it could be so freeing - is that a word? It is now!! I am more accepting of how things are and there is a reason for it. You might never know the reason, does it matter?
I feel better now :)
So, my beautiful family has grown so much. So many changes. DD1, I wrote a few times of my despair, she appeared to lose her way for a bit! She's found her way back, has a lovely partner and they have purchased their first home. She's so content and it shows. I'm so excited for her. DD2 has flown the coup as well, that made me sad. Living it up with a couple of girlfriends in a townhouse and loving it. She also has a lovely boyfriend who's a New Zealander. DS3 is all grown, working as an apprentice and has got his first serious girlfriend. He is absolutely smitten, so of course we rarely see him either. He is such a generous, good person, I worry he is too good to people. He has certainly dropped everything to rush off to his big sisters a few times. That leaves my gorgeous DS4 who just melts my heart. That little boy bring so much joy into our lives. He desperately misses his older siblings but with twelve years between him and the next one it was always going to be hard. He changed schools which was an enormous decision for us to make, fortunately the best thing we ever did. DH and I have weathered a few storms in the last twelve months, more like cyclones if the truth be told but we have come out the other side.
We still live on our beautiful property, I still make and bake although even that went by the wayside for a bit. I didn't even have the motivation to cook for a while. I barely cared about the state of my house - I'm jokingly known for my OCD so I knew things were bad. That's never happened.
On a positive note, I did take pics of a lot of stuff thinking "I'll blog about that one day", so be warned, I may overcompensate for my absence!
I feel so much better for having written. I'm glad I'm back :)
AND ... my roses are coming alive as well.
